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Blog: The Secret Wedding

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Myself and The Legally Binding Vows In My Wedding Ceremony headed off to ESSEX after work on Friday to go and see some old pals who had asked us to be witnesses at their SECRET WEDDING. It was all very jolly, especially that evening as we set out to see them off in some style, with CHAMPAGNE, WINE, and then a trip into Saffron Walden for the PUB. There was a band playing in the pub who instantly reminded me of the bands I used to play with in about 1992 when Voon were first going. They were EXACTLY like them - huge piles of equipment (way beyond the dreams of the likes of us, who could only just manage to get a couple of extremely cheap shopping catalogue guitars between us, never mind amplifiers), LENGTHY guitar solos, and a mild level of pomposity, as if they were playing a HUGE STADIUM, rather than a room in a pub. My old reactions flooded back as i began to HATE them, but this soon dissipated as I began to enjoy how ridiculous it all was - it was EXACTLY like a gig from back then, but with everyone nearly 20 years older. All their mates were down the front getting really into it, EXACTLY as they had been back then except now with a lot less hair and an wide array of bored looking teenage children sat nearby, and at the back were the obligatory pair of SUPER FANS who knew ALL the worlds and sang along convinced that any second now Mr Big From Big Records would turn up to SIGN THEM.

A few songs in the guitarist launched into a FIVE MINUTE GUITAR SOLO. The singer sat down cross legged to look up at him, fingers templed, a look of serious appreciated and concentration across his face. The drummer (who was, in accordance with the LAW for early 90s drummers, CONSTANTLY twiddling his drum sticks between fills) ALSO sat on the floor, as did the Keyboard player and bass player. It was AMAAAZING. Shortly after THAT The Pickups On My Slap Bass went outside and got talking to A Friend Of The Band who told her they really WERE a band from 20 years ago! They'd broken up when the guitarist had fallen ill and had done nothing for 18 years, at which point he'd got most of the old band back together and they'd headed out to play the old songs once again! FANTASTIC!

Most of us felt rather less fantastic next morning as our hangovers took hold but we BRAVELY stomped out into the gorgeous sunshine to make our appointment at the Town Hall. The wedding was due for 10am but we got there at 10 past. There was some signing of forms and then the ceremony itself began early, at 20 past, and finished ten minutes later! It was the quickest wedding i have EVER been to!

The main reason for the SPEED was that it was all stripped right down to the BARE BONES. The Couple Concerned had been together for YEARS and were only doing it because they're moving to a country where Tax Laws mean it's am EXTREMELY good idea to get married, so they didn't want too much fuss about it, but it still managed to be surprisingly lovely. I've been to a few registry office weddings and they do tend to make a fuss about it being non-religious and LEGAL, but even when you get right down to the absolute BRASS TACKS of it it's still got LOVE and COMMITMENT and, you know, MOVING WORDS at the very centre. There were TEARS, and not just from me either!

Also, it has to be said, keeping it LEAN like that means there's no time to get BORED and before we knew it myself and The Ink In My Pen were signing the registry as witnesses and then back out into the sunshine. We went for a celebratory cup of tea and then that was that - we were heading back to London while they were packing up to DRIVE TO SWITZERLAND!

posted 24/8/2009 by MJ Hibbett

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